Thoughts for a friend

Is this an online diary? Sort of, I guess, though not really. I hadn't planned on getting personal, but life happens.

Yesterday I talked with a friend I haven't seen in a decade or more. We've been close since college, more years ago than either of us probably cares to count. Why had we lost touch? The usual reasons: work, family, life in general. It doesn't help that a couple of thousand miles separate us.

She called me out of the blue a month back; thankfully, I hadn't moved. The machine picked up the call, but it was days before I was able to retrieve the message due to circumstances beyond my control. It took three weeks and numerous SMSes, but we finally carved out time for a phone call.

After all that, a mere call was bound to leave me wanting. It was terrific to hear her voice, but the longer the call went on, the longer I wanted it to go. It carried more and more of the burden of ten years' absence, until by the end it was almost cruel that we had started it. Every thread we began held the promise of hours, but every one we had to cut short because you can't mine one to exhaustion when a hundred more lurk yet unexplored.

We caught each other up on our jobs, our family lives, the usual minutiae. We veered into politics for a bit, freshened up our contact information, quizzed each other on favorite TV shows. The bulk of the talk, though, centered on what had kept her so busy that she hadn't been able to make time for this call sooner. It turned out she has been undergoing treatment for the latest of a series of ailments she has suffered over the past couple of decades. The treatments themselves are time-consuming, of course, and she hasn't been able to offload her responsibilities as either a working professional (let's hear it for the lean workplace, where extra capacity is a sin) or mother. The treatments weaken her, so she tires more easily and is unable to do as much as she normally can. She also has had to cope with a health scare involving one of her children.

I found all this unspeakably sad. After a rough childhood, if anyone's genuinely good heart and generous spirit has earned her peace in adulthood, it is hers. I chattered and laughed right along with her on the phone, but at times I wanted to scream in rage at a Fate with a cruel streak, Leave my friend the fuck alone, you monster.

By the time we were done, I felt like catching the next plane out to care for her.

It hurts like hell being so far away from someone carrying such a heavy load. It hurts even more that the someone is one of the best people I know.

I'm thinking of you, kiddo. Let's talk again, soon.